An introduction to my story

It’s not really a secret that writing is difficult. Sure, it might come easier to some than others, but overall it can be a frustrating process. I spent most of my life up to this point believing I would have a career and life that revolved around writing – hence why I was a journalism major for two and a half years. It was when writing became a chore to me that I knew I could not do it for the rest of my life. So, I changed my major and even transferred schools and found something that was a better fit.

I keep coming back to this blog, though, because I know I still like to write. I still feel the need to tell a story, to figure things out with words. For the longest time, I really didn’t feel like I had a story to tell, and in some ways I’m still working through that doubt.

So, here is my story:

As of right now, I am 21 years, 10 months and two weeks old. Most days, I don’t feel as well as someone my age should. It’s difficult to get out of bed in the mornings, even if I slept 12 hours the night before. I have to talk myself out of naps during the day. I want to go outside, but if the sun is shining and it’s above 70, I feel sick within 10 minutes. My appetite is unreliable. My GI tract is troubled in various ways at least once a week – never from a specific type of food, it could be anything. My head hurts. It’s an uncomfortable way to live and I’m fed up with it. I don’t eat junk food, I drink a lot of water, I exercise on days when I have energy and my stomach feels alright.

Doctors have said it’s anxiety, depression, IBS, etc. and then they throw prescriptions for pills at me after seeing my bloodwork is completely “normal”.  I leave, feeling more confused. Every day I take three different pills, not including birth control and my multivitamin. I don’t understand how a little white pill can make everything better – in my case it obviously doesn’t. I need better answers. I want to know more than just the “what” that is bothering me.

Luckily for me (and others), there’s another option, one I probably wouldn’t have even known about if I wasn’t obsessive about catching up on my Google Reader every day. By reading these blogs, I have been introduced to an alternative: holistic medicine. A simple Google search for holistic doctors in my area allowed me to narrow it down to three within a reasonable driving distance, and finally I chose one after perusing their websites. I made an appointment for a week from this Thursday, and just doing that has given me more hope that whatever is wrong can be alleviated somehow. There’s a 15-page patient history form I have to fill out and take with me to my appointment. Pretty long. Very comprehensive. I don’t mind it, though, because I like that so many other factors are being taken into consideration that the doctors I have been seeing have overlooked.

I guess this isn’t really all of my story. It’s more like the introduction to a new approach I am taking, and I want to be as transparent about it as possible. I know I don’t have the readership of the blogs I mentioned, but maybe someone will be able to relate. If that doesn’t happen, at least this is something I can look back on in a few years.

Lies I tell myself

It’s no secret (or maybe it is, I don’t know) that I have struggled with this whole blogging thing. I haven’t posted nearly as often as I would have liked, and, honestly, it’s all due to the lies I was telling myself. Putting yourself out there via blogging is no easy task, and my mind tricked me into thinking that I just wasn’t up to that task.

I am here to tell you that my mind is wrong. Get a load of what it said to me:

  • “Your life is not interesting enough to blog about.” While I don’t have a really exciting job (or any job, for that matter…), I am not a runner of marathons, and I am still learning my way around the kitchen, there has to be someone out there who can relate to me in some way, and that’s reason enough for me to give it one more chance.
  • “You don’t have enough time.” This is probably the biggest lie. Aside from a summer class in the morning, right now, I have a lot of time. I don’t know if I’ll ever have this kind of time again. Better to document it now so when I’m swamped I have a place to look back longingly to see how I spent my days. Besides, if people who have full time jobs and other commitments can do it, so can I.
  • “You’re not feeling well. Nobody wants to read about that.” I’ve been having some GI issues lately, and I seem to be perfectly healthy, so it can probably be attributed to anxiety from things like the lies I tell myself. Writing is one of several recommended outlets for anxiety. Obviously this is not going to be Liz’s Anxiety Blog, but it is Liz’s Whole Life, and my life includes some anxiety from time to time…which ties in very well with the next lie…
  • “You’re too neurotic to blog.” Guess what. Everyone’s a little bit neurotic. Maybe I am more than others, but in hindsight what I worry about is so incredibly ridiculous that sometimes I need to share it with others.
And the lies go on and on and on and on…it’s tiresome, really. So that’s why the lies are going to stop and the blogging is going to start.